I am humbled to announce I have been selected as an American Association of University Women (AAUW) 2018-2019 Dissertation Fellow. This $20K award will help offset my cost of living expenses for my final year of my doctoral program. I am so honored to join the ranks of amazing scholars supported by AAUW.
The episode of “Crashing” that addressed addiction was the most spot-on, heart-breaking, powerful depiction of interpersonal interactions with an addict I have ever seen. One moment, you are having the best day with an amazing person who professes their love and admiration for you, who says how being with you makes them feel great….and then 12 hours later they are cursing you for ever even believing any of the bullsh*t they said earlier (or denying any of the good stuff ever happened) and insulting you for even wanting to be around a piece of sh*t like them.
For years…even decades, I, literally, chased people to get back to those beautiful and tender moments, and completely dismissed the about-face insults because I knew there was love and admiration in those relationships. But, I chose to only see the good in them and I was unable to absorb the bad…that, right there, is the very definition of co-dependence. At the same time, I have forgiven myself long ago for these mistakes. Those wonderful moments were really that wonderful and the love was really that real, but not sustainable. I am grateful Pete Holmes and Artie Lange’s unflinching portrayal of that very crushing dynamic. Many thanks!
[Update: A lot of people have thanked me about this post, which I appreciate. As a result, I want to clarify the vast majority of my relationships with addicts were friendships, not dating/romantic . Sure, I dated my share of men struggling with addiction in my teens and 20s, and those hurt. However, my failed friendships hurt the most by far. I trusted these people completely, but in the end, the toxicity of addiction and drug culture eviscerated that trust.]